


Say No

by legopenguin2



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, F/M, Hurt No Comfort, POV First Person, POV Mikasa Ackerman, Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan Manga Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-20
Updated: 2020-04-20
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:42:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,805
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23751019
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/legopenguin2/pseuds/legopenguin2
Summary: I’m gonna stop time with you.But I can’t see the future I’ve drawn.It breaks like a dream.It’s all broken.
Relationships: Mikasa Ackerman/Eren Yeager
Kudos: 23





	Say No

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This is my first Eremika fanfiction(and first fanfic here xD) so I'm kinda nervous about posting this. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it!  
> I was inspired to write this by "Put It Straight/Say No" by (G)I-DLE so I really recommend that you listen to the song while reading this fic :)  
> Edit from 8/11/2020: added some more content in the fic

(Mikasa’s POV)

_I’m gonna stop time with you._

_But I can’t see the future I’ve drawn._

_It breaks like a dream._

_It’s all broken._

* * *

“There’s no telling what’ll happen here... so please don’t leave my side,” I said, turning to Eren. He didn’t reply, his brows furrowed in what seemed to be sympathy as he scanned his surroundings.

“Eren?” At that instant, he snapped out of his daze.

“Y-yeah.”

He seemed so distant.

Though we were at Marley mostly for the sake of reconnaissance, it was the first time we stepped out of the island we’ve lived at for our whole lives—Paradis. It would be no harm to enjoy the outside world, right? Wasn’t that Eren’s dream?

“What are you spaced out for, Eren?” Armin said excitedly, grabbing Eren’s hand. “We’re in the world outside the walls, aren’t we?!” Maybe it was my imagination, but his expression almost seemed to darken as he responded,

“Yeah... this... is what’s on the other side of the sea... right?”

“Hey, stay with the group. You especially,” Captain Levi ordered.

“We’ll be right there,” Armin shouted back.

It was many little things. So many just like this, easy to dismiss, where he said something, or acted in a way that clued in to whatever pessimistic, dark thoughts that clouded his mind.

Before we went to Marley, he seemed to express a certain sort of resignation towards the people outside of Paradis viewing us as “monsters”. When we were working well with the Marleyan engineers to build a port, Armin and I both believed that perhaps trying to talk to people around the world would ease their hatred on Paradis.

“The world sees us as monsters that can turn into titans. Are they _wrong_ about that?” Eren pointed out, gun still aimed at the target. Of course, he wasn’t, but the Marleyans we had been spending time with certainly gave us hope.

“Well, if we just spent some more time...” I replied, before Armin joined in on our conversation.

“Yeah. We need time…”

“Yes. And to buy us that time… we’ve got to keep them from messing with us,” said Eren as he took his next shot, hitting a bull’s-eye. What he said sounded reasonable enough then; we did need to seem less defenseless so countries wouldn't invade us just as they pleased or even listen to us.

In hindsight, maybe this was his way of telling us exactly what he wanted to do all along…

* * *

_Just say no._

_Just tell me everything, honestly._

_That’s what changed, isn’t it?_

_I hate it._

* * *

Before making our way to Miss Azumabito’s estate, we stumbled upon a carnival and Sasha being Sasha, she got distracted and immediately went to buy some creamy looking food sold by one of the vendors.

“Ngh?! This thing is cold?!” yelled Sasha.

“What is it?!” asked Connie.

“First time eating ice cream?” said the vendor. _Oh, so that’s what it’s called._ Soon enough, I bought one for myself to try it out whilst our group split up to shop. The ice cream was sweet and cold—quite refreshing especially after the long walk we had had. _Eren should try this too._ I went to find him and there he was, leaning against the railing, staring into space again.

“Try some too, Eren,” I said, holding out the ice cream to him. His eyes widened.

“Ice cream...?”

“You know what it is?”

“Only through my old man’s memories,” he replied. “Eldians in the internment zone rarely get to eat it.” _Right,_ _Doctor Jaeger’s memories... How much has that been bothering him?_

“And yet… the world outside is this big,” he continued, crestfallen. _Is he okay…?_ As I was about to ask, a commotion involving a little boy and Levi’s purse caught my attention instead, lasting long enough that I simply forgot to express concern for Eren’s mental well-being.

It was almost as though the universe was begging me not to notice something was wrong with Eren, and if I did, to ignore it all together for one reason or another. 

***

During the meeting with the Azumabitos, Eren went missing. As soon as we were dismissed, our group split up to find him. By sheer luck, I found him outside, just some distance away from several tents.

“Eren,” I called out to him. “You do realise that you’re our enemies most wanted target, don’t you? We’ve all been running around looking for you.” Just then, I spotted the boy who tried to rob Levi earlier, along with an old man with a beard and a younger boy whom I assumed to be his grandfather and brother. From what I could make out of Eren, he wiped at his eye as he continued looking at them, the boy calling out to him.

“...did something happen?” I asked.

“Not yet.”

“What do you mean? Where are we?”

“These people live here after losing their homes to war. Just like us. Regular life stopped for us one day. Everything was taken from us. All of their freedom... taken away.” I could only nod, looking on in silence.

Then he suddenly spoke again.

“Mikasa, why is it... that you care so much about me?”

“...huh?”

“Is it because I saved you when you were a kid? Or is it... because I’m family?” I stared at him in shock. _Does he know how I feel about him?_ My heart started to race.

“Huh?” Silence.

“Huh?” I repeated, getting more and more confused by the minute.

“What am I to you?” he said, his gaze full of worry, doubt... hope? _Why is he suddenly asking that?_ I couldn’t help the way my mind spiralled. _Does he love me back? That can’t be... What if he doesn’t, but figured out I’m in love with him? What would happen to us? Would he shun me?_ Before I knew it, blood rushed up to my cheeks as I tried to come up with anything coherent to say to him. 

“...y-you’re famil-” Just then, the old man from earlier approached us with a tray of hot drinks, shortly followed by the rest of our friends finding us and calling out to him.

“Perfect timing...” Eren mumbled sarcastically.

“Huh?” I was ignored as Eren beckoned them over to us to join the old man and his family. 

It was against all of our better judgement, but we drank in enemy territory anyway, enjoying the way the alcohol helped to drown our problems away.

And maybe, just maybe, I wanted this moment to last a little longer, with the remaining friends still alive from the 104th trainee corps, with Eren. Maybe it was better like this, to pretend everything was fine, and treasure every moment I could still have with him.

***

In the midst of a conference where a speaker fought for the rights of Subjects of Ymir scattered across the nations, saying that they were different from the “devils of the island”, he left. I was worried sick. _What is he doing? What if Marley captures him? What if he never returns to my side?_ But there were no answers; only confusion and panic as the group split up to look for him again as soon as the conference ended.

Unlike the night before, I couldn’t find him anymore.

The next time we heard from him, it was through a letter, where he told us he would entrust Zeke with everything.

And the next time we saw him, it was already too late.

Eren’s mind was set on engaging Marley, and at that, even sacrificed the lives of children there for whatever goal it was that he had.

_How... how could he?_

_I don’t understand him anymore._

_What is on his mind?_

***

“You’re not the kind of person who’d involve innocent civilians and children, even if they live in an enemy state. You’ve cared for and thought about us more than anyone… haven’t you?” _This Eren isn’t the one I know, is he?_

_“All of you are important to me. More than anyone… so… I want you to live long lives.”_

“You saved me from being kidnapped… and wrapped this scarf around me… out of your kindness, right?” I continued, desperately grasping at the scarf around my neck.

“I said keep your hands on the table,” Eren warned. I could only look down in defeat as I complied. His words only became harsher as he talked Armin down, accusing him of being “too soft” towards the enemy, that his desire to negotiate made him absolutely useless, that he was manipulated.

“Eren! What are you trying to do?” I spoke up. _Armin didn’t deserve any of this._ As soon as I did, he turned the conversation topic to me, now saying that I was nothing but a result of my Ackerman instincts. To end it all off, he said,

“Ever since I was a kid, Mikasa. I’ve always hated you.”

Hearing those words straight from him felt like a stab to my heart, worse than the pain of breaking my ribs years ago to rescue him.

 _No… why…_ I couldn’t stop the tears from forming.

“EREN! HOW DARE YOU?!” yelled Armin in rage as he stepped on the table. For a reason unbeknownst to me, I slammed Armin down instantly, pinning him to the table. _Huh??_

"Mikasa?” _No… it can’t be…_

“See? All you’ve ever done is live according to what your Ackerman blood has told you to do,” drawled Eren.

“N-no…” I barely managed to utter, letting go of Armin.

“That’s all that you are.” I could only stay a bystander, watching Armin and Eren fight each other for the very first time as tears streaked down my cheeks.

“Just… stop…” I weakly pleaded. _Why is he acting like this…?_

***

I still remember all those years ago when Eren said he would wrap the scarf around me again and again, as many times as I wanted him to. It all seemed so distant…

What was even more distant, but still clear as day in my mind was memories of the day he saved me from the kidnappers returning in a darker light—the way he mercilessly stabbed them, even when he was only 10 then.

Even with the revelation that I might have just been blind to the signs that he is in fact, **this** violent, vengeful, all along, I still wonder as I stare at the bare bones that made up his new titan form; if I told him how I felt on our first day in Marley, or even just approached him for a heart to heart as soon as I noticed how gloomy he had been, would it have come to this?

Would he open up instead of keeping everything to himself, like he is doing now?

Would I have had a happy ending with him?


End file.
